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Letter From a Concerned Officemate
re: Workplace Humidity

by Ruby Bayan

Dear Mr. Jones,

First of all, let me extend my sincerest appreciation for the beauty that your profuse and ornate indoor garden bestows to our common work area. I understand that you have meticulously chosen the plant varieties that not only are delightful works of art, but also help absorb the toxins that may be accumulating in our highly technical office environment.

It has come to my attention, though, that a particular plant care activity, which I know is vital to the health of an indoor garden, is inappropriate in our work scenario. I have consulted our co-workers and most of them agree that it is time to advise you that your spray-misting activity is disrupting the overall productivity of the department.

I understand that you need to maintain the humidity levels your plants require, and I know that misting should be done often to be of any benefit to the plants, but I would like to enumerate the reasons why your misting activity should be discontinued:

  1. Particles of water from your spray bottle float in the air and land on almost everything on our desktops. Co-workers have had to deal with smeared printouts, warped and contorted documents, books, and manuals, and spotted (sometimes fogged up) computer screens.

  2. The indoor moisture you create by your constant and regular misting has risen to more than 80% (I bought a hygrometer just to be certain), which may be good for nasal congestion, but could also make most of us more susceptible to the harmful E. Coli bacteria that thrive in damp environments.

  3. The squeaky sound that your spray bottle makes every time you mist (which is every ten minutes on the dot) is beginning to drive me crazy.

I would, therefore, like to suggest that instead of spray misting your plants, you should employ the following alternative humidifying techniques:

  1. During break time, take the plants with you to the canteen, near the kitchen, where humidity is high (because of the cooking).

  2. When you go for your regular workout, take the plants with you to the gym. They will appreciate the moisture in the bathroom. Better yet, take them with you inside the shower. They will surely love the rain effect.

  3. Buy a humidifier.

Mr. Jones, you have such wonderful plants in your cubicle. But your misting is just too much. I hope you understand.

Mrs. Bradley

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