The search for identity, as I mentioned in a previous article, isn't about locking yourself and other people into convenient little boxes. It's about living, and about understanding. The best way to figure out who you are, be it as an individual or in relation to others, is to set the labels aside.

However, accepting that fact is only the beginning.

Once we've broken free of the tyranny of preconceived notions, we have to go about the business of actually living the lives that we're supposed to be understanding. We can't just sit back and wait for something to happen, expectantly waiting for events to march on by as if we were watching a television show. We have to go out and actually do something.

Let's take a look at how we perceive our lives. We see the world through varied lenses, depending on our range of prior experiences. While these lenses are unique for each individual, the one common denominator is the fact that we each see ourselves as the protagonists of our separate life stories. We can't help it -- it's the way we were designed. We think, feel and act according to the basic principle that we are the prime movers of our lives.

Given that, we try our best to establish our role as protagonists -- usually without even consciously thinking about it. A good story can't have a hero that isn't properly fleshed out, right? There must be ways in which to identify with the lead, ways to understand and accept the presence of the story's raison d'etre, as it were. So we do things that give us (and, necessarily, other people) a sense of that identity we so desperately seek at times.

Think of the way we establish our sense of self as an application of walking. Creating our identities as we go through life isn't something that we have to actively focus our attention on. We just make our plans and do what we feel we should. Eventually, you can spare a glance at the path you've been taking, and you'll see that the things you've done speak for the kind of person you are.

Don't force the issue of defining yourself, but don't just sit on your laurels, either. Relax, and see to your affairs. Establish your own stride, and in time you'll come to understand who you are. Just pay attention, and believe in what's important to you.

The idea, ultimately, is to stay with the journey.

[First published by Perspective, DLSU - College of St. Benilde]