One of the more difficult lessons to learn in the course of a friendship is how to balance your levels of distance and intimacy. If you're not careful, you just might irreparably cripple your friendship, thinking that you're doing otherwise.

Human beings are social creatures. We require contact with other people in order to live properly. While it's true that we won't exactly perish if we were to go without social interaction for a while, the need for it will always be there -- a yearning that you can rationalize away for a time, but can never be rid of.

Think of it as a requirement for sound mental and emotional health. We can get by with the barest semblance of interpersonal communication, but we definitely won't be the most balanced, nor the happiest, individuals in the world. Consider, for a moment, why one of the most dire punishments available to penal systems the world over, short of the death penalty, is solitary confinement.

Put simply, we need other people. It's hardcoded into our psyches. Some of us may prefer to be loners, but ultimately that's a counterpoint psychological response to social demand, not an instinctual imperative. That's why we seek the company of certain people that, for various reasons, we like.

That's why we develop friendships.

However, there must, as with all things, be a sense of balance -- a sense of moderation. While the need for friendship is an essential drive, it is not the only one.

Alongside our need for human contact is our need for personal space. We are social creatures, yes, but we are individuals, first. And as individuals, there are occasions when we absolutely must have time away from particular people, if not everyone, regardless of how dearly we think of them.

The reasons may vary, but the need is the same. When certain circumstances make us feel the need for distance or general solitude, the best thing our friends can do is give us the space we need. That goes both ways, of course: when the people you consider friends need time away from you, for whatever reason, respect their wishes. It's the least you can do for someone whose best interests you have at heart.

Pay attention to how you behave in your friendships. Move away or stay close as needed. Forcing things one way or another when you shouldn't isn't the way friendships are supposed to go.

Remember that friendships are about give and take, about being together because you're essentially good for one another. You're not there just for yourself, you're there for the both of you.

Good friends are rare. Cherish and respect them.

[First published by Perspective, DLSU - College of St. Benilde]